Pregnant.

I had a dream this morning. A nightmare actually.
And i woke up asking....

"buntis ba ako?" (am i pregnant?)

Crazy. I had a dream that i was pregnant! and it felt sooooo REAL. In my dream, for 6 months i didn't know i was pregnant. i didn't cry because i had no tears, i was at a loss and numb. i tried to find the courage to tell my friends that i was pregnant. In my dream, my parents already knew about it. But I thought about my friends at church, my classmates from UERM and high school, my relatives... I thought about my closest friends one by one, and wondered how in the world will i tell them that i am pregnant. I knew that they'd be crushed, and as much as i was hurting, i didn't want to hurt them.

It was... hard. Getting through a day was arduous.

One of my closest friends, ate tina, was so hurt that she didn't say anything. she just cried and walked away. And then i had the guts to tell ate Ana through YM and when i typed in my opening statement... i woke up.

And up to now i thank GOD that it was just a dream. I thank Him that it is not the road i was meant to travel. And i can' t thank Him enough.

But you know what the best part was? In my dream i was praying to God, and i was saying sorry for humiliating Him and for being a terrible witness to His name. And then He said that it's ok. He told me that He'd use this event in my life to refine me, and to bring me closer to Him.

Even in my nightmare, the LORD was my Comforter.
Even in that storm in a dream, HE was my Refuge.

I serve a GREAT GOD.

Praise the LORD, forever!

Date

I have a journal, it's an actual notebook, where i write my heart out. Before i actually write something, i pause and think "where do i start?". With the flurry of emotions and ideas in my head, i don't know where to begin. So i start out by writing down the date. And this helps me a lot. You see, for me it is a declaration, a title in itself. It tells me that i am going to write about TODAY. That is my theme. Today. It narrows everything down to a moment in time. And when i write about that date, i turn those fleeting minutes into lasting memories.

Today is something you will always have; it is something you will always lose.

And when you do lose it, you can never get it back.

That is why i write.

Going back

"Going back to something is harder than you think."
-- Posey Benetto, from For One More Day by Mitch Albom

Stop.
Think about it.
Have you ever tried to go back to something you've left hanging in the past?
Have you tried to again build a bridge you've burned?
Have you stopped and looked back, only to find out that he is nowhere to be found?
And have you turned around, swallowing your pride, and took those painful steps back to the door you slammed shut?
Have you had your muscles tighten and you heart race as you reached to open the door of your fate?
And as the door opened, have you opened your eyes to see the world you rejected and the person you have broken?

What did you see?

Going back to something is harder than you think.

Insanity

Insanity is the inability to communicate your ideas. It's as if you were born in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there. We've all felt that. And all of us, one way or another, are insane.

- Paulo Coelho (Veronika Decides to Die)

Lago de Oro

April 27, 2009.

We went to Lago de Oro to go wakeboarding yesterday. and now i am in pain.

Yes, my muscles hurt. And yes, if you ask me to go back tomorrow i will go. We had a lot of fun trying to learn wakeboarding.

We planned the trip on a monday to avoid the throngs of people who go there during the weekends. I was a little bit worried about the number of people there since my friend Carlo will be there, as well as Ton's friends. When we got there, it turns out that Carlo's friends and Ton's friends were the same people! Hah! We do live in a small world.

Lago de Oro is a nice place. Quiet and serene, which matches the view it has of the South China Sea. The pond for wakeboarding was big enough. It was oblong in shape so in effect, it had 4 sharp turns (90 degree turns) which just suck the strength out of me. The instructors were kind and i hope i'd never forget the tips Kuya Buloy gave me.

The downside was the water in the pond. It was salty and it hurt my eyes and nose everytime i'd wipe out. Then the water in the shower beside the pond smelled weird. But other than that everything else was good.

The fees were much more expensive if you compare it with the rates in CWC (Camarines Sur). But if you take into consideration the distance of the Lago de Oro and CWC from Manila, then it's a tie.

Bottomline: We'd be going back there... soon.

Welcome!

i don't know if i should welcome you (the reader) or me...
This is my first blogger site and i think i'd be making this a regular thing for me.

So i say CHEERS! and WELCOME to both of us. :)